I’ve asked God lately why he’s allowed me to get so hurt. His response was basic and logical. If I never got hurt in life I would never know his ability to heal and transform me. He doesn’t want me to get hurt but He will allow it for a greater good within me. I want to negotiate the level of pain that he allows but the truth is, pain has this way of upheaving your heart and exposing more than you thought was there.
It’s funny because sometimes when my daughter spills something and I have to clean up the mess, I end up cleaning more than I would have if the mess had never happened. If she spills water on the ground in the kitchen and I lower myself to clean it, I may notice that my cabinets could use a good wipe down also. Had the mess never happened, I would have never been on the floor to see it. In effect, one mess helped me clean more than I knew was there.
No one likes “a mess”. They are often unintentional and inconvenient. They stop our plans, interfere, and frankly, happen in places we don’t want. But they will happen. Life is messy. But how we deal with the mess is more important than the mess itself.
I read recently that there’s no such thing as “past pain”. If you still feel pain today it’s very present and you need to be healed. If you can’t talk about it without getting emotional and it puts you in a bad “headspace”, that’s a sign that something is very wrong. It’s important to appropriate those thoughts and emotions so you can heal otherwise they will appear negatively in your actions and how you see others and yourself.
In my healing processes I’ve learned 3 things:
1. How I Think About It Becomes What I Am – If the thoughts are angry then I will be angry. If they are sad thoughts I will be sad. Should anything really have that much control of my day? Especially if it’s something I can control in my mind? The thoughts I think become my feelings. Feelings don’t always guide you to good places. Get your thoughts right and feelings will follow, so will actions and words.
2. Where I Stay Is Where I Will Play – if I don’t make the effort to let go of my version of what’s “right” or if I’m waiting for someone else to admit the wrong they’ve done, I will be playing in my sandbox of bitterness, frustration, anger, resentment and hurt. Truth be told, that doesn’t seem like a very fun place.
3. How We Grow Is In The Letting Go – by letting go and truly forgiving myself or anyone who causes me pain, I open myself up to have to rely on God’s wisdom, strength, and mercy. Day by day, when the thought of the trauma threatens or I get down about myself, if I release it to God and recite the scriptures in the Bible that holds true, my heart is infused with hope. Hope always delivers. Hope shows you that the prison door of your pain is open and you can walk out at any time. But it’s your choice.
Being hurt isn’t fun. If you’re a normal person you don’t choose to be hurt. And it’s easy to believe that the more we hold on to our hurt we can hurt the one who hurt us or we don’t have to try so hard to be better because we were hurt. We have a justification for our pain, anger, and need for revenge. But in truth, holding on is a weakness. It’ll never cause you to be a strong person. Covering your pain with walking away or distance or anger is just a false armor to protect you from more pain. It’s just a bandage and stays a weak point in your life until you uncover the wound and clean the mess so that new growth can begin.
Healing is a journey. There’s no time limit. It’s really a “grow-as-you-go” program. And you don’t always have good days. But, whenever you stop progressing, you will digress. That’s just life. Keeping your mind clear of anger or thoughts that keep you angry, appropriating the pain and exposing its root, forgiving and releasing the one you want to be punished, that’s how you grow God’s strength in your weakness (2 Cor 12:9). That’s how you learn to trust God and your faith increases. One promise we have is that God will ‘keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on God’ (Isaiah 26:3), but the key is trusting God.
Trust God enough to let Him deal with it. He will in His time.
Trust God enough to let Him right the wrongs. He is a God of Justice.
Trust God enough to forgive and give you beauty for your ashes. (Isaiah 61:3)
And it’s ok to tell Him that you don’t trust Him but you want to. He’s pretty good at showing up when you ask Him to.
God isn’t co-dependent. He doesn’t “bless our mess”. God blesses us with gifts of growth so that we can clean up our own mess. But if we don’t use those gifts, we will become a mess.
“I’m just a person who writes about her experiences to hopefully help others not fall where I have. I hope that my lessons can inspire. I pray I can produce hope in others. I write about me to unburden my soul of the weight I feel to just help one person.” -Daniela V. Mangini
Becoming Invincible 