I’m trying to ignore the fact that it’s the 8th…. but it’s not working too well.
I still miss my dad… all the time. I look at his picture everyday and, often times, I cry.
I still remember his voice, though, and the way his hands felt when he would say “gimme five”. I remember how he used to put on hand lotion as he was walking downstairs for church on Sunday mornings or hearing him pray and read the Bible in his office that happened to be below my bedroom. I also remember him singing random songs- he loved to sing.
I have a voice recording of him telling me “I love you” from just a few days before he passed. I don’t play it often because it still hurts so much, but at least I have it and will hopefully be able to keep it until I see him again.
That’s how I get through these harder days… I concentrate on seeing him again. I imagine him in heaven reconnecting with his parents, my cousins and anyone else we’ve lost along the years. I imagine him smiling and I’m pretty sure he’s eating- he loved to do that too.
I imagine him with my baby that I lost, knowing that if they’re together they’re probably playing and he’s telling him what I was like as a baby or teaching him something like he taught me. I imagine him taking in the architecture of heaven and admiring the craftmanship that only God could achieve. And sometimes I imagine him looking down from heaven and seeing us, praying for us and watching over us. I have no solid proof of this but it is a hope.
He was a great man and will always be. The funny thing is he’s more alive than I am right now, he’s just not here. He’s in an absolute paradise and he’s finally getting some rest. He worked so hard and built so much, now it’s his reward time and he really deserves it. As much as I want him here, it’s better that he’s there. He’s not sick there and he’s not frustrated with the horrible way this world is turning. He has no bills to pay or doctors to see; there’s no more family members and friends dying or harsh words spoken. Just the glory of God and love all around him.
I’m a little jealous, honestly, but I still have something to do here; I’ll have to wait my turn. But I can promise you this, when it finally is my turn, you better believe that I’m going find my daddy if he doesn’t find me first.
That’s what I think about on a day like today… it’s the only way to get through it really.
I miss you daddy and love you so much.. Looking forward to seeing you again…
Love-
Your “Daniela Bella”
Becoming Invincible 