It’s only after great tragedy or devastation that we begin our process of mourning. Often times it’s because we mourn the loss of what once was or what might never be. Although mourning is normal and healthy it’s quite painful and can render any ordinary thought or action paralyzed with deep sadness and grief.
In the mornings I like to run or workout. I’ve been doing this since I was 14 years old but at the loss of my father I can count on my hands how many times I’ve actually been able to get through an entire workout without crying. It’s been two months today and the pain is still raw and very real. Two weeks ago I lost two of my cousins and the pain that was all ready there from losing my father has only deepened drastically. I find myself unable to concentrate at times, looking off into the distance as I recall a memory or hope and many times crying when I have a few moments to myself.
Although unfair and painful I know I must continue on – to go forward and gain strength through every stride. All three of these souls that are abiding in heaven now would never want me to stop moving forward. None of them would want me to cry because of that hope that we will be together again. So how does one move forward? How does one lessen the grief besides relying on God himself to pull you from your ashes?
It starts in the mind. Our minds are conditioned toward what is normal. We process situations and events based on what our minds are comfortable with. This is how perceptions are made – based on what we know and what we are comfortable with not necessarily what is true. To consistently recall thoughts of what should be or things the way I want them to be would leave me in a continual state of grief. I would never heal, never let go and prevent myself from moving forward. This can happen in any life event: a death, a break-up, a disappointment in someone, loss of a job or a home. My mind would continually lead my emotions toward a space and time that I can not get back no matter how hard I tried thus creating a cycle of grief I’d never be able to pull myself out of.
Instead, with the help of God through prayers of grace and strength, I position my mind to look forward to those things which are to come with a sense of expectation. As it states in Philippians 3:13 ” Forgetting those things which are behind and striving toward what lies ahead.” My mind will seek the consistent and from that I will create a “new normal”. My sense of loss will always be there and I will never stop myself from mourning or healing from the pain but I will not allow my happiness to hinge on what I have lost – that would be grief and prevent me from living my life the way God intended and even the way my father and my cousins would have wanted.
It is hard and often times seems hopeless. The rawness of reality slaps you in the face with no light of hope as the pain still burns your cheek. Mourn when you need to, forgive yourself and others but keep your mind fixed on a new hope and on your new normal. Not the ways things were but the way things can be. The dream hasn’t died it just changed a bit. After the winter comes the spring and all things will be new again, you just need to step outside and watch it come alive.
This helps when you have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. When you dwell on his promises and ask for his protection and provision you realize that that you are strong – “Let the weak say I am strong,” (Joel 3:10) Pray everyday, ask God to forgive you and strive to live for Him. There is a hope greater than you ever imagined and in my ‘new normal’ my days are filled knowing that I will see my daddy and my cousins again. I will do all I can to honor God and them by moving forward so they see that the legacy of their lives pushes me toward the greatness I was destined for.
My soul ” will not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.” (Psalm 118:17) Every day counts and I will go forward… I have to. Because just like I counted on my Dad and learned from his life to make me who I am today, there are people counting on me and you. What we do in our lives, in our every day matters because of the people we can touch. If we stop living and stop going forward we can alter someone else’s life or miss out on something for ourselves. Remember that everything will make sense in time and as Daddy used to say “It’s gonna be all right.”
Becoming Invincible 