I lost my oldest cousin today in a tragic event that will always make me wonder why it ever happened. She was an amazing person – the oldest of four and very ambitious, a lot like myself . She was smart and funny with an enormous heart and a smile that could light up a room. She is my cousin and I am so proud to call her that.
Growing up I wanted to be just like her. I could talk to her and it was like she understood everything I said. She would defend me and joke around with me. When I was younger she would come over on some Sundays and go swimming in our pool. Our family used to go to Red Lobster after church and I’d always have leftovers. When we were swimming we’d take a break and we’d sneak into the house to eat my leftovers but it was our secret. We would make sure no one would follow us because we didn’t want to share. It was our time. We would laugh over popcorn shrimp and french fries like no one was around and we didn’t need anyone else.
I’m going to miss her so much. In many ways I felt like I was getting her back. Life has a way of keeping us so busy that we disconnect with those we love but we made a promise to get together and stay close this time. The day after my father died she was in my kitchen with me, her sister and daughter and we were all laughing and talking about my dad remembering him and who he was to us. She had the most memories because she was around him longer. She loved my dad and my dad loved her just like he did all his nieces and nephews. She was in my parents wedding as a flower girl and remained my mom’s “little buddy” as they shared their stories and secrets with one another. She was special to all of us and there isn’t and never will be anyone like her for me.
I regret not telling her how much she means to me. I’m upset that she’ll never know how much love and respect I had for her or how much I wanted to be like her. I’m angry that she was taken away so harshly and I’m sad that I’ll never see her smile or hear her laugh again.
The only hope I have is that she asked God into her life. She said a prayer at my father’s funeral and asked God to live in her heart and that she would live for Him. This is my only solace because I know she is with God and my Dad. I also believe that my Dad probably wasted no time getting to her. Once she stepped inside that gate he probably pulled her into a tight hug and told her “It’ll be ok” like he always did. Knowing and believing this is the only thing that gives me any comfort right now. I believe God has her now and she is with my Daddy in a place where there is no fear or pain.
Many knew her as Rosaria or Rose but we knew her as Enza. She left her mark on our lives and we will always think of her fondly. She was beautiful, warm, funny, caring, generous, smart and irreplaceable. She is and will always be one of the best cousins anyone could ask for.
I love you Enz… and I’ll look forward to seeing you soon…
Love, your baby cousin
Becoming Invincible 